【】

Physical contact? On one hand, it's a vital form of human communication. On the other, it's terrible.

Touching other people is one of humankind's greatest fallacies. We all know touching people exposes us to germs, maybe diseases and definitely weird sweat, but we do it anyway. This is f*cking ridiculous.

SEE ALSO:10 very dangerous activities you should avoid at all costs

Well, it's time to slip on your latex gloves and take a stand. Your gross body is your own, and it doesn't have to touch other gross bodies if it doesn't want to.

If you love someone? Stay away from them. If you hate them, please do the same. Here's how.

When someone tries to shake your hand, pretend you don't know where their hand is.

Via Giphy

Just shake hands with the air in front of you. The person will not try again.

Wear some gloves.

Via Giphy

Warm gloves, fashion gloves, rubber gloves. Take your pick.

Mashable Top StoriesStay connected with the hottest stories of the day and the latest entertainment news.Sign up for Mashable's Top Stories newsletterBy signing up you agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.Thanks for signing up!

Wear that Green Man costume.

Via Giphy

You've always wanted to!

Give yourself poison ivy.

Via Giphy

There are people on the internet who sting themselves with bees on purpose. There are also people who light cacti on fire, then eat them — also on purpose. Join the ranks of these fine men and add urushiol poisoning to your morning routine. Rest assured no one will touch you.

Make sure you are always talking about something annoying.

Via Giphy

Did you just get back from an EDM festival? Have you recently organized your medicine cabinet? Do you know the most about politics? Keep talking about those things and no one will ever want to come near you.

Make every high-five a fake-out high-five.

Via Giphy

Wow, it's so weird that everyone is too slow every single time.

Invest in an expensive suit.

Via Giphy

A space suit.

Use WebMD to convince yourself of your many grievous ailments, then stay inside.

Via Giphy

There is a 100% chance you are allergic to both skin and air. Better not risk it, right?

Three words: human-sized turtle shell.

Via Giphy

We're not saying it exists. We're saying invent it. Do the work.

Good luck with your life of isolation!

BONUS: Stranger Things: Hamster Edition

View this post on Instagram

(责任编辑：娛樂)